Randall Munroe, author of XKCD, KILLED!

Randall Munroe, the popular author of XKCD (www.XKCD.com), will no longer update his website, which had become famous for its mathematical humour. Steve Cournwal, a young art student, killed him today after yet another of his comics got promoted on his favourite website.

“I was tired to see his comics on the front page of Digg every goddamn two days,” said the murderer who surrendered to the police shortly after choking Mr. Munroe to death. “What the fuck does XKCD means anyway.”

Digg.com, a popular website where users promote their favourites stories and news, has been operating since 2004.

“EVERY fucking XKCD comic made it to the front page and EVERY single time I’ve left a comment telling people to just join the RSS feed instead of submitting each story by hand, said a famous Digg member. Still, I’m sad we lost Randall because telling other people what to do gave me a feeling of superiority and authority, a feeling I can never get in my cubicle farm.”

It is said that the presumed murderer, Mr. Cournwal, also had a comic website, much less popular however.

“None of his drawings ever got much attention, noted a friend of the suspect. Steve spent hundreds of hours drawing beautiful and colourful comics that barely got any attention while Mr. Munroe just draw some stick figures and got millions of views, as well as the front page of a very popular website. I think that’s what made Steve crazy. That his work was ignored for some stick figures.”

The suspect apparently printed every comic the victim had drawn and force-fed them in his mouth, effectively choking him, all while yelling “Where are your maths now, bitch!!!”. After he was done, witnesses heard him say: “I’ve always found your humor to be… of bad taste muhahahaha” pointing to the comics hanging out of the victim’s mouth.

Millions of people worldwide cried him. “How am I going to hit the front page now?” “I used to quote the alternate text of each of his comic as a comment, getting hundreds of ‘Thumbs Up’ and boosting my e-peen, what will I do now!” and, most important “What popular comic am I going to bitch about? Vgcats? Fuck that!”

Others were completely destroyed by the news. “Randall was to XKCD what Bill Gates is to Microsoft,” noted an astute reader. “This drawer was to drawing what a writer is to literature,” added another. “Everyone will be saddened by his death, except those who did not know him,” said another.

Still, not everyone was optimistic. A forum user wrote: “XKCD? More liked XKCDied LOL”. Another added: “No one will miss him, except for his millions of fans.” His ex-girlfriend told the press: “If I knew he was going to die so soon, I wouldn’t have bothered to quit him, I would have just waited.” Finally, a close friend of the victim said: “If there was a Linux command to revive him, I would use it”.

Randall was found laying on the ground at 11:15 AM, shortly after updating his website, his computer still running and compiling code. “Your death will be the last thing you do that hits the front page!” said the presumed murderer. What the murderer did not know is that Mr. Munroe had written his comics 30 years in advance with clear instructions as to when to publish them. Therefore, now that he is dead, his comics are certain to gain even more attention and hit Digg’s front page even more easily for the decades to come.

One thing is sure, Randall Munroe will be deeply missed. As an ending note, we would like to respect Mr. Munroe’s last will, which was to post a special comic he had written with the note: “Publish in the event of my death”. It is with his permission that it is presented here.