The Queen of Scammers

It has been one month now since I started my internship. While I fail to see the relation (except for the fact this job sucks so bad I’ve actually cried out of it) my anti-depressor use has sharply increased. There are very few factors and events that allow me to remain mentally sane. One of them includes stealing any business material I can put my hand on and photocopying everything I could ever need a copy of (and yes, this include my dick… in case it gets damaged from excess of sex and need reconstruction?). But another story has recently allowed me to enjoy this job a bit more.

Earlier this week, we had a new employee, also an intern. She had just quit another internship and was still studying, much like me. To describe her, I’d say that she is pretty average-looking. She is no super-hot cuttie and she is the type of girl you see hundreds of times daily. She is quite thin and wears a bandana on her fore head, much like Snake in Metal Gear Solid. She has small brown eyes that are always fast moving, like she needed to see absolutely everythingaround her at all times.

Also, she looks decently smart.
She works at a bureau not too far from me. The very first time we met, we spoke for a whole fifteen minutes without interruption. It just felt natural. Shortly after, she invited me to eat breakfast. There is a small coffee shop on the main floor of our building and she insisted on inviting me there.

We took the elevator, went to the shop and both ordered. There was no way I was going to let her pay for both of us. However, she was determined and strongly insisted. It was then that everything started.

HER: Shh… Don’t say a word.

I thought she just wanted a cute excuse to pay for our meals. But she didn’t. What happened next deeply surprised me. Her agile and nimble fingers dropped into the tip jar with a speed and a precision I had yet to see. In only a few second, she got a few one dollar pieces and a two dollar piece out of the jar. All this without a noise. Try to pick money sitting on other money, it WILL make noise - but not for her. She was definitively skilled.

Mere seconds later, the cashier handed us our meals. She paid her with the stolen tip and kept the change for herself. At this point, I already knew I would fall in love with her.

She kept talking to the cashier for a few moments for an unknown reason, her hands moving fast over the counter. During that time, the cashier took another order from another customer. 3.78$ for a single bottle of juice.

ME: Woah, I said, noticing the price, must be good juice.
HER (low voice): You want one?

The juice was sitting directly in front of her in a small bowl. She moved her arms over the bowl, like she was still talking to the cashier, and took one bottle. No one, not even the other customers, noticed. She was just too agile and quick.

We quickly got out of the shop with our meals. On the way to the elevator, I heard her count.

ME: What are you counting?
HER: Oh, huh, nothing…

But I could clearly see her manipulate chocolate bars. These were the exact same bars I saw on the counter in the shop… and that she had stolen.

ME: Wow! How… How much did you get?
HER: Hmm… Seven. Your bottle of juice slowed me.
ME: You love chocolate this much???
HER: No. I guess it’s just an illness. Kleptomania or something.
ME: Don’t say that. It’s not an illness. It’s… a gift from god!

She smiled. We got back to work, but not for long. She came to me soon after asking if I wanted to go on my “dinner break”.

ME: But… it’s like 9AM.
HER: Yup. We will be back at one.
ME: There are cameras…
HER: Don’t worry for that. I’m good.

I followed her to the elevator’s room, the only way to get out of this place. There were of course cameras. I am doing a bureau job: there is no one to check me except when I arrive at work and when I leave. Of course, they put cameras near the elevators to know when you get in and when you get out, to make sure you waste at least eight long hours of your life per day here.

ME: You called the elevators up…
HER: Yup.
ME: If we want to get out, we need to go down.
HER: Just follow me.

I did. We got up to the last floor. She said:

HER: This is the last floor, there is no company here yet so there is no camera system neither. Come on, follow me.
ME: Where?
HER: Okay… You better shut your mouth about this one. It’s a good trick and I plan on doing this all summer okay?
ME: Doing what?
HER: Arriving at 7, saying hello to my boss and showing I arrived at work, spend the whole day shopping and playing around, come back at 6 and charge them two hours overtime.
ME: You think no one will notice? They will see you’re taking the elevator up each day.
HER: They will think I am going one floor up to our other office. Or to a client a few floors up. They won’t bother checking further because hey, I am taking the elevator up and not down to the main floor and the exit. We work on the tenth floor. They assume only elevators can get you down. Come on, stairs.

Of course. There weren’t any cameras there. It was quite a ride but I’d say it was worth it.

ME: That won’t work. They got cameras all over the main floor. As soon as we get out of the stairs, we will get seen by them.
HER: Yup, except for the emergency exit just inside this staircase.
ME: That’s why we call it emergency. It’s going to ring an alarm.
HER: No it won’t. I tested it.
ME: You what???
HER: The alarm is long disabled. They do deliveries by there. Quicker for cars, so they disabled it. As I said, shut your mouth about it.

This was too good to be true. She was very skilled in what she was doing and very smart. At this time, I was already feeling weird. I was impressed to say the least. I was getting completely outplayed… by a girl. She truly was… a queen of scamming. After 17 long floors of stairs, we got out.

HER: Okay, Frank: I admit it, I like you… a bit. I have business to do this morning, but I’ll invite you to dinner. Meet me in front of this café at 12.
ME: Yeah… You’re going to launder money?
HER: Perhaps. Twelve. Don’t be late.

I spent the whole day at a library writing (not very cool, I know). She arrived at our rendezvous fifteen minutes late, drunk.

HER: Oops!
ME: Have you been drinking?
HER: A good point of being a female. You can always make the guys pay for you and pretend you need to go the washroom to leave. You can’t imagine of how many difficult situations “these” have gotten me out.

She was cuter than before. She had removed her shirt and wore a blouse, exposing large breasts. They were MUCH bigger than before.

HER: They’re fake. Much like me in fact.

She removed whatever she had under her bra increasing her breasts, revealing pretty flat A’s. We moved around a bit in alleys until we found a small Chinese restaurant. “Harder and harder to find restaurants without cameras –restaurants I haven’t visited yet, I mean,” she said, smiling.

We both ordered. I took a non-expensive Tao meal and she took a very expensive meal of seafood and fried spinaches. She also ordered a pretty expensive bottle of wine. After she ate, she ordered the most expensive dessert she could fine. Her addition quickly moved over 50$. That’s the good point with Chinese restaurants: no matter what
you order, it’s always inexpensive.

As soon as she was done eating(I eat slower), she said:

HER: Come on, let’s go.
ME: You don’t plan on paying do you?
HER: Ah come on, you’re boring. LOOK OUT!

I turned my head to see what was incoming. I got tricked like an amateur. There was of course nothing. She had completely beaten me: she was already out of the restaurant. She was so quick and silent even I didn’t notice anything.

But I’m not the kind of person who runs away without paying, really. I was going to pay for my food (a mere 10$). I didn’t care so much. Not as much as her visibly.

But the manager didn’t see it this way. A few seconds later, he noticed my “friend” was gone and went to see me. I told him she was at the bathroom. A crucial mistake because the bathrooms are close to the cuisine and he would have seen her. But as I said, I did not care this much about 10$. The boss brought the receipt. Here’s the surprise: of course, he had added her note to the addition.

ME: What? We asked for two separate receipts. I certainly won’t pay for her.
HIM: So, you admit she has run away?
ME: No, no, she just went to the bathroom, she had to answer her cellphone first.
HIM: Very well, we can wait. You can both pay once she is back. And if she doesn’t come back, I trust that you will take care of this note, hmm?

He didn’t find it funny. What was I going to do? The addition was around 75$ with taxes and tips. The guy was behind the counter, looking at me, recording my every move. I could have admitted she had ran away, but for what good? There was no way I’d pay this much and no way I’d pay her addition. Refusing to pay her order wasn’t a solution either as he would probably call the police or just beat my ass. There was no way I’d pay the whole addition neither. And no, I wouldn’t go to the girl later and tell her to pay me.

Fortunately, a solution appeared out of nowhere. I was finishing my tea and wondering what to do when I felt someone pulling me by my arm. It was her.

HER: Come on, let’s go. Ah, you’re lucky I find you cute…
ME: But the guy, he is checking me…

I turned. He was no longer there. He had disappeared. I dropped a 20$ bill on the table, which she promptly took back while still pulling me outside.

We both ran for a few minutes. She had endurance. Not I. I quickly got exhausted and had to stop. She spoke:

HER: I was born in a very poor family, Frank. I never knew my father and my mother was always on drugs. She didn’t work and we had no money. Me and my sister never had any food to eat. I had to work nearly fourty hours per week just to have enough to live on.

She took a small pause.

HER: I was working at a restaurant. I worked after school and on weekends, sometimes as much as fifteen hours in a row. I had to do all the job no one wanted to do, like cleaning bathrooms, doing the dishes and mopping floors, all for below minimum wages. At fourteen, I was already getting drunk each night so that I could tolerate this. Fortunately I was smart. I’ve always gotten good grades. It saved me.
ME: Great… why are you telling me this?
HER: Because I’ve never tolerated to be judged for what I am, Frank. I saw your expression when I ran away from the restaurant. You seemed to think I was a horrible, horrible person.
ME: Are you?

She continued.

HER: Each year, criminals steal trillions of dollars from hard-working people worldwide. Why don’t you look at THEM as scammers and horrible persons?
ME: I know.
HER: What?
ME: I know. I know what you’re trying to say.

We hugged. It just happened naturally. She opened her purse. It was FULL of stolen pencils and stuff from our firm. She had worked only for fifteen minutes yet managed to steal more than me in a month.

ME: I… am going back to work.
HER: And I’ve got work to do from my side. You won’t report me, will you?
ME: To who? The rich assholes who employ us and steal billions from ordinary persons?
HER: I thought so. I won’t be there too often, Frank.
ME: So…
HER: I’m afraid we won’t meet or talk much.

My stomach hurt.

ME: Yeah… I thought so… I…

I couldn’t say a word. I didn’t know what words to pronounce, really. I thought for a second of inviting her in a good restaurant but for what good, watching her run away when the addition arrived? I was just really insecure and unsure of what to do.

HER: Well… Time to say goodbye, Frank.
ME: Good… bye…

We shaked hands. She smiled and kissed me on the cheek. It was just so good, so good to know that somewhere, someplace, people like her existed. She started to walk away.

ME: Wait. How… How did you get the guy off the counter?
HER: Cellphone. A fake call. Oldest trick ever.
ME: Oh.
HER: You wanna know why I chose you? Why I chose to trust you and go talk to you? It’s your eyes, Frank. They are the same as mine.

She put my 20$ bill in my pocket in a very discrete manner.

ME: Wait.
HER: Yes?

I took a pause. I looked at her in full daylight. She was much better-looking. I was so sad to let her go.

ME: I haven’t even asked your name…

She smiled.

HER: I’m Rachel. It was… a pleasure meeting you, Frank.

She left. I was alone. I was sad. I wandered around a bit and eventually made it back to work. No one had noticed anything. No one had reported us missing and no one had said a word.

We are now Friday and I haven’t seen her of the week, and I’ve been looking, trust me. She gets the same pay as me, more because of the overtime she charges, yet is never actually there. And no one notices anything. She is, truly, the queen of scammers. She will always work less yet get more benefits.

Rachel, Rachel, you’re like a butterfly, always flying and free. You remind me good people still exist in this world. I have already dreamt of having you, of possessing you, Rachel, but you cannot own a beautiful butterfly, always flying from a place to another. I will always keep that 20$ bill you gave me. It’s not an ordinary bill. It’s your bill. It will remind me of you. It’s the only souvenir I have of you. I’ll never forget you, Rachel. I don’t know what you’re up to or what will happen to you, but I hope, from all my heart I sincerely hope, that you do fine and find happiness. You deserve it.

Frank
Written by Frank Lau for www.FullyFrank.com
frank@fullyfrank.com