Frank Loses Another 500,000$ Loan

PROLOGUE

Alright here’s what happened. As some of you are aware, I have been trying for some time now to get a huge loan to invest in stocks. My plan is simple:

1. Get a huge loan at a low rate, preferably a student’s loan.
2. Invest it all in stocks.
3. ???
4. Profit!

Obviously, it’s a very good plan. It’s even better when you play your student’s loan because the rate is usually lower. I had had two “meetings” with bank officers in the past to discuss my loan and lost both time.
This time would be different: first, I wanted to buy options. An option is a derivative product, allowing you to buy or sell a stock in x months for a predetermined price. If you buy an option to buy a stock later in time (also called a call), you will gain if the stock goes up. Its advantages? You can gain much more: if you wanted to buy a stock worth 100$, you’d need 100$; with the same amount, you could buy 10-20 options easily and perhaps get a better payoff. Its disadvantages? As you probably guessed, options are MUCH more risky: if the stock goes down, your option “expires” without value at “x” and you lose your cash. So you have a significant chance of losing everything.

There are eight major banks in Québec; I already have loans with two (5,000$ and 10,000$ respectively, pennies if you ask me; I don’t remember what I did with the money, must be somewhere, we will see eventually) and four declined giving me a loan (either formally (i.e. by kicking me out) or informally (i.e. never gave me a meeting)).This was one of my last chance. Here’s what happened.

STORY PART ONE

I arrived at Desjardins’ center at 10h10 exactly (my meeting was at ten – I underestimated the distance in bicycle). Of course, I was in full suit, with a tie and everything (and yes, I had arrived in bike). You don’t get a chance to get a 500,000$ loan at 5.25% each day. The maximum they ever gave at once to a student was 100,000$, but I was confident my attitude and professionalism would be able to get… a bit more. You gotta believe in yourself. I stood and waited, watching people around me getting greeted by men in suits. But my officer didn’t have a suit. My officer consisted of a young, energic woman dressed in a very modest way. Great, I thought, they aren’t taking me seriously! But at least, she was very, very sexy, with her sexy blouse and tight pants.
She invited me in her bureau and I immediately thought about whoring myself to get the loan. At the same moment, she started a very, very long monologue on something; not that I can remember because I was watching her large, very large boobs the whole time. That’s the curse of being a woman: no matter how smart you are or how important you become, men are still going to watch your boobs. Oh well. “Bla bla bla student’s loan bla bla bla”. I had to suppress the weirdest thoughts such as :
“Has she ever fucked on that bureau? Did she suck her way up to this position? If I get that loan, should I use a part of it to fuck her?” Anyway. After what looked like an eternity, she stopped talking and handed me a long, very long paper.

-We are going to do your budget today and see what you need.

Oh fuck. I needed to invent something to spend cash on. If they knew my budget was so limited — or that I planned to buy options with their loan instead of spending it for my tution — I WOULD NEVER GET A PENNY. No penny = no options = no profits.There is no way I was going to tell them I would invest their loans in options; they would have never given it to me. Here’s how we filled it:

Rent: 2,000$ per month (yeah, right).
Food: 1,000$ (blacked out) 500$ per month (I figured they wouldn’t believe this much)
Hobbies : 1,500$ per month (I made the joke : “I often invite beautiful women to suppers *blinks*. It didn’t work).
Car: 3,000$

Damnit. It was not going well. I had to find something. Quickly.

Clothing: 1,000$ per month (I only wear suits – Italian suits)
Studies: 1,500$ per month (I didn’t even paid that per year, thank you mom!)
Others: 1,000$ per months
___________________________
Total: 11,000$

For a moment now, I thought she would kick me out. Apparently not.

She left. I had wasted an hour with this bitch. An hour. For nothing. She couldn’t even give me a cent. Nada. I thought it couldn’t get worse.
I was wrong.