How I got Fired – and Rehired – in one day

This story happened yesterday and I am just too excited to not post it. To better understand the background of this story, look at some of my older posts on the subject

It was yet another boring day at job. I had spent half an hour hesitating on which coffee brand to get (like there was a difference) and another 20 minutes reading useless Lotus Notes chatter between software developers (I tell you this function is better than this one! No it’s not!!!) Slowly, I crossed the day on the calendar; August 8^th had the word “Freedom” written in it, for it was my last day at this shitty place. At last: 12 weeks of pure torture and extreme boredom would be over.

I sighed, and waited.

There was a stupid Excel file with 30,000 people in it. My job was to make sure that E = B+C+D, just in case Excel had forgotten how to add. I usually just checked a few cells, wrote “ok” and pasted that all over the file. Fuck this. I had no fucking clue on how this file worked anyway. And in my ten and a half weeks of work, I never found one mistake. Not a single one.

It was a bit later this day that everything crashed.

My supervisor, who is supposed to give me daily instructions and formation, you know, THE TYPE OF SUPPORT YOU EXPECT DURING AN INTERNSHIP, and that I saw perhaps once a week, came to talk to me.

-The boss wants to see you, she said.

Had they figured out my “Pen & Staplers Laundering Operation” or had they realized I’ve spent 80% of my worktime browing shitty games at addictinggames.com? I didn’t really care because I hated this job. As long as I would have my internship credited as a class at my university (3 credits, roughly a 6,000$ value), I was fine. And I had one week and a half left. What could happen?

My supervisor took a chair in the boss’ bureau. My boss told me to remain standing. She spoke first:

-So. Frank, tell me what you have done.

-Today or during all my internship?

Yeah, stupid, I know, but I had developed a feeling of hate so strong during the hundreds of hours I’ve wasted drawing Sierpinski triangles that I simply did not care.

-Start by today, she said. What have you done today?

-Huh… Ok… Can I sit down?

-No, you can’t. What have you done today?

-Verifying data and… data?

It was getting worse.

-I have a file you’ve done a week ago now… Do you remember it?

-Perhaps…

-Perhaps? Yes or no?

-Can I sit down?

-No, you can’t sit down. I am referring to… this… file.

-Yes?

-Can you explain it to me?

-What do you mean?

-Can you explain me what this file is about and how it works?

-Yeah…

We both stood silent. My supervisor still didn’t say a word

-Well, go ahead…

-It’s about cash or something? I said.

-Yes… and?

-And people who receive it?

-You have no clue what this file is about, do you?

(silence)

-Can I sit down please?

-No. What is the purpose of this file in your opinion?

-Well… I said.

-You don’t know, right?

-Well… no…

I figured it was better to just admit everything than lying and eventually get caught. I just said the plain truth.

-Okay. Listen.

-Can I… sit?

-No. This file is about CDs, you know what this is?

-Yeah…

-Yeah?

-The things they put music on and stuff?

-No. CD are safe investments people buy to get competitive interest rates, usually for retirement but also for various projects.

-Ah.

-You were calculating how much each person had earned in the first half of the year to make sure the numbers are fine.

-Yeah.

-And you did, right?

-Yeah…

-Yeah?

-No.

She put her head in her hands. She took a long pause.

-Can I… sit?

-NO, YOU CAN’T SIT DOWN. Okay… Listen… Take your stuff. Don’t come back.

-Can I… at least get the rest of the week?

-We’ll pay it for you. You visibly have no interest for this job. If we’re going to pay you to do nothing here, we might as well pay you for staying home and not actually SLOWING us.

That’s it. I was fired. I sucked so much I actually SLOWED them. Unbelievable. Then, it hits me.

-Wait.

-What?

-My internship. This is my eleventh week. I need a minimum of 12 weeks for it to count as summer class.

-Ah.

-Look… I…

-Goodbye Frank.

I tried to talk, I couldn’t pronounce a word. I was about to cry. I was getting massive tax breaks from this internship being credited as a class, as well as a decisive number of credits. 11 weeks of work. For nothing.

Then, things changed. QUICKLY. Read on.

I was cleaning my cubicle, trying to assume my dismissal, when ANGER got the best of me. My supervisor hadn’t done her job. She had explained nothing to me and just threw me in a cubicle with little to no knowledge and very little to no work. She didn’t tell me what a CD or even what a RIAA was. She just didn’t care about me and never took time to explain.

I literally exploded. This place had made me endure too much. I had printed too many blank sheets, I had wasted too much of my time. I could either hold it in me longer and remain frustrated for months, if not forever, or tell my boss everything. Would it matter anymore? My reputation of being an incompetent was already created. I would be a frustrated incompetent.

I rushed in my boss’ office. She was talking to Mr.Cheapass. She really did not seem surprise to see me. She stayed calm, without moving, her large eyes checking me. “Get out, please,” I asked Mr. Cheapass, nicely. He did. I shut the door behind him and immediately took a seat.

-I don’t ask for permission anymore. I have endured too much on this job already.

-How so.

And there I went. With my supervisor no more there, I was free to say everything I thought. How I printed out blank sheet to have something to do. How I had a target on my wall and threw chewed paper on it to pass time. How I cried in the bus about how bad I hated this job and doing this stuff. And, more important, how I never got any formation and indications. How I was left alone, on my own, to do everything. How my supervisor invented meetings when I wanted to ask questions and how she never returned my voicemails. How she forwarded my e-mail to irrelevant departments and on how she referred me to people in vacations to get indications when I finally managed to talk to her.

-You should have told me this before, Frank. Like at the beginning of your internship.

-I didn’t want to look like a coward or someone who complains a lot…

-And look at what it did to you. How frustrated you became.

-True.

-We should have had this conversation two months ago. I would have saved you a lot of frustration.

-Right.

-There are ways to express how you feel. Like you’ve just done, very politely.

She crossed her hands. She looked much more relaxed now.

-I have an offer for you, Frank.

-Sure, what is it.

-You will have to make a choice. Listen and listen well. You have two options. I’ve accepted to pay you the rest of the week even if you didn’t come to work. I can extend this offer for one more week. You will have your 12 weeks and your internship recognized by your school.

-Excellent!

More than excellent! Seven days of paid vacations. You don’t get that offered often, especially in an internship!

-What is my second option?

-You keep working here. For all of August. I’ll put you in another team where you will be much more busy. A second chance to prove me your worth.

What? Four more weeks in this shitty place? I had to choose between paid vacations and wasting even more of my life here? But perhaps the latter would be better. If she had taken the time to propose a new team, perhaps the job would be better. Perhaps I could learn to enjoy it and perhaps I could discover what I loved - not counting two extra weeks of pay (the rest of August). I had decided. I must said I surprised even myself a bit.

-So, what do you choose?

-I’ll work in August. I refuse to get paid for doing nothing.

-Excellent, Frank.

And I meant what I said. Actually, not totally, but I figured it would sounds nice. It had a part of truth: I really was tired to earn money for doing nothing, scamming the system, you know. Most of all, I wanted to feel useful.

She completed a few papers for me. I’d have a much more exciting job.

-You’ve taken the right decision, she said. You will work on one of our important clients, Royal Bank of Canada. Do not disappoint them - or me.

-Thank you. Thank you for offering me this chance.

-My pleasure.

-If I might ask… What would have happened if I had chosen the paid vacations?

She took a small pause. She then said, very directly:

-I would have fired you immediately. To be honest, I didn’t even originally plan to pay you the rest of the week. The world doesn’t need more overpaid lazy idiots.

-Well said.

I smiled, and she smiled back. “Good luck,” she told me. And she was right: the job was MUCH better. More motivating, more challenging, more interesting. I had spent too many hours watching the needles on the clock move. This job was much fun, first because I actually had something to do, second, because it’s a fun. Why didn’t I complained before! Things have radically changed, FINALLY. While I’ve been there for only two days now, I can safely say I finally found a job I liked and enjoyed.

I still laugh at how she said she would have fired me if I had asked for paid vacations. It was a kind of test, really, to see if I was really what I pretended to be or just a lazy idiot. I wanted to tell you: don’t give up, and don’t let others get the best of you. Complain. Work hard to improve your life. It is, overall, the only thing we can do.

Oh, and if you see Royal Bank of Canada’s stock going down, you know why.